Last Day Before October Restart

I went to church last night to take some pictures of the band that was playing.  While there, I danced with a friend's daughter while my friend took some pictures.  Even some pictures of me.  And, yup, I clearly see just how big I have become.

I know that I'd like to drop 30 pounds by my birthday in ten months.  I want to make small lifestyle changes that become lasting.  And, I want to love and accept myself at all stages because, truly, my self-worth is not contingent on my weight.

I have a billion theories on life, but one of them is that change is more likely to become permanent when one is already in a place of self-acceptance before they start.

I accept myself.  This is who I am.  I am a person of worth and value.  Someone who is worthy of respect and compassion from self and others.  So, even though I am not the size or the weight I would prefer, it means I love myself no less and I will not treat myself as less.  This is me.  This is me today.  I am a mother, a wife, an injured runner, an aspiring yogini, a shrink, a friend, and so much more.  I just happen to weigh 30 pounds more than I would like.  Doesn't mean I'm 30 pounds less worth anything.

So tomorrow I restart my life.  Get ready.

Joy Is. . . .Becoming me.

So, I think I might have mentioned that I'm in psychotherapy right now.  Even though I'm 43, I think it is only now that I'm able to start becoming who I actually am: a not-nerdy looking nerd.  Which has posed problems for me over the years.  I've never understood why I'm not a part of the cool kid club, but evidence clearly shows that I am not.  The cool kids are nice to me, but I'm not one of them.  I'm so sad that I've wasted my entire life trying to find my tribe there rather than with the nerdy girls like me.

My husband and I generally have different approaches to just about everything, but this morning I was pleased to find him gently getting a big, huge spider out of our house without killing it.  This made more happier than just about anything else.

I geek out about sunflowers.

And, in the afternoon when I was able to ignore dishes and laundry, I was able to enjoy reading my type of nerd books outside in my favorite super-old sweats.

With my doggie who always hangs with me whenever possible.

And, I love knowing the differences between various types of sunflowers

And, I love my new hat.  

I think I'm finally getting that just because I don't necessarily look like a nerd, I am and I can enjoy it rather than fight it.

Joy Is. . . .Spending time with your kid being a novice reptile nerd.

Our elementary school had a half-day today.  Which is really super-weird, but whatever.  It's Friday.  The girlie had a play date with her bff and the boy and I got to spend time geeking out on reptiles and insects.

After he came home and chilled watching Play House Disney for about ten minutes, we went to a new pet store, then had lunch at Applebee's (his choice), and finished up at our favorite pet store checking out the snakes, scorpions, frogs, fish, etc.

I really want a cute froggy tank, but I'm really pushing my marital luck what with our ball python, two beardies, yellow bellied slider baby, indoor fish, two cats, dog, and outdoor fish.  

But, seriously, look at this emperor scorpion:

Is he not INCREDIBLE?!?  So gorgeous.  So impressive.  And, we learned that, because of his size, his venom is not all that impressive since he can overpower his prey with his size and pincers.  By contrast, smaller scorpions have venom that is 10x in potency.  But still, FREAKING MAJESTIC!

See, Joy Is. . . . being a novice creepy animal fan.

Oh, and Joy also is coming home from said trip with little man and having three neighbor boys come over and ask if he can play outside, telling them that he can't since we are feeding our ball python a live mouse, and then having the boys come inside and geek out on our animals.  Cool mom points for a brief moment.

Joy Is. . . Restart

As you can tell, it has been a while since I was active here.  Frankly, I don't really need people reading it right now and it truly is more for me than for anyone else.  I'm going to unlink from my facebook.  Also, as you can tell, I've gained weight.  Almost 30 lbs in the past year to be precise.  While is a lot.  And, I need to do something about it.  I've tried off and on for a while, but nothing has stuck.  So, I'm going to try something different.

This past year was really rough on me.  So rough that I decided I needed to start taking an antidepressant.  Over the past month or so, I feel as if I've managed to get a better handle on my coping skills and my self-direction.  As such, I've decided to discontinue taking my medication.

September has actually been pretty good.  I really do best with goals.  In July, I ran a marathon and developed stress fractures in my third and fourth metatarsils of my right foot and I've not run one mile since that day (now, sure, that could account for about 10 lbs, but there are plenty of other reasons as well, not the least being that I've self-medicated with food).  But, back to September.  It's been pretty good, largely because I've set a couple of really good goals for myself.  First, I decided to take on the 10,000 kettlebell swing challenge and second, and most important, I decided to commit myself to doing 30 yoga classes over the 30 days in September.  That has been the most important change I have made.  And, I'm doing it.  And, I know I'll finish both.

I've loved the yoga so much, that I will keep that goal.  But, as each month starts, I'll have a new lifestyle change goal to add.  I'm pretty sure that October's will be to limit my non-water/green smoothie/herbal tea drinks to no more than 10 a month.  I recently kicked my long time diet pepsi addiction and feel really good about having done so.

Those 30 lbs did not come on in one month.  They aren't going to come off in one month.  And, I want them to come off because of sustainable lifestyle changes.  I'm not going to obsess with the scale.  I might not even weigh myself more than monthly.  It is the lifestyle changes that are the primary goal with weight loss being a natural consequence thereof.  I'm thinking I'd like to rid myself of those 30 extra pounds by my birthday in August with one major lifestyle change goal each month.

I'm good with goals.  I like them.  I eat them for breakfast.  Well, actually, I'm going to try to eat green smoothies for breakfast.  But, with my goals.

Joy Is. . . . Community (Saint Andrew Christian Church Camping Trip 2012)

Saturday, September 22, after my Equinox Yoga class, the kiddos and I packed up and hit the road for a quick, overnight camping trip with some people from our church (Saint Andrew Christian Church in Olathe, Kansas).  As I am sure I have previously mentioned, I love road trips with my kids.  Also, as I'm sure I've previously mentioned, I've had difficulty finding my tribe here on the Great Plains.  So, it was a double joy weekend: road trip with the kittens AND hanging with community.  

The drive to Smithville Lake was a quick hour.  Once we got there, the kids piled out of the car and ran to the playground to play with friends old and new.

Because I'm rather absent-minded, I totally forgot our camp chairs AND our dry goods (chips, hot dog buns, smore fixings).  But, because I'm really super absent-minded, I figured out the chair situation first.  As soon as I figured that out, I drove into town to buy three camp chairs.  It wasn't until later that I realized about the dry goods and I was not about to drive back into town again.  Thankfully, community stepped in and helped us fill out our meal a bit and the kids still were able to have smores.

As can be seen, we were treated to a gorgeous sunset.  That's another huge joy for me.

Then, it was time for bed.  And, it was cold.  As in in the 40s cold.  I bundled the kids up, we looked out our tent at the moon, and went to sleep.

Waking up, I discovered that we were blanketed in a very heavy layer of fog that made everything seem awfully surreal.  

 

Joy also is delight in nature and all her surprises.  I was surprised to see spider webbing all over the grass when I woke in the morning.  I've never seen anything such as that before.

As is her way, Lauren woke first and sat around the campfire in her Christmas jammies (and slippers).  Ever the girlie girl, she does not own warm camping jammies.

But, the boy was nice and snug in his Papa's green mummy bag that is older than me.

Joy truly is camping with my kiddos.

Joy is making a circle of trust and friends around my children.

And, Joy is watching one's children cooperatively help put the tent away without complaint and with assistance of new friends.