October 2012 Goal Setting and Personal Assessment

I've been avoiding the scale for a while, but my clothes were definitely telling me I was not getting any smaller.  As of this morning, I am actually heavier than I was at either six-week postpartum checkup.  A full 30.1 pounds more than my driver's license says I am (which is what I was a year ago).  Thirty pounds in one year is no joke.  My BMI is now 26.6 which means that I am overweight.  Not high end of normal range.  Overweight.  Over the course of the next ten months (until my August birthday), I would like to lose those 30.1 pounds, 6 inches off my boobs (I swear to you, my boobs have gotten even more huge than they already were; this is the part with which I am trying having the most difficulty), 7 inches off my waist, and 9 inches off my hips.  Yes, that is all a whole lot, but I'm going for slow and permanent.

I am not going to lie: I am extremely depressed by this.  Not so depressed that I'm getting back on my antidepressant.  I'm not clinically depressed.  I am just exceedingly bummed out.

So, no excuses, I am up 30 pounds largely because I eat like crap.  I've always been extremely physically active and have had the luxury of being able to eat more than I should.  Well, I'm 43, injured, depressed, tend to self-medicate more than I should with fat and drink.  I said it.  

That is me in a nutshell.  How I wish you could out train a bad diet.  Now, let me make it perfectly clear: my diet isn't horrible.  I'm not eating fast food or burgers and fries daily.  I'm not crawling into a cupcake and a bottle of vodka.  I just make too many excuses for things I shouldn't eat.  "Oh, this handful of trail mix isn't that bad."  "Just a few chips in mayo."  And then there is after bed snacking.  I get terrible restless legs and it often gets me up and over to the fridge.  For whatever reason, I've paired a late-night snack with being able to return to sleep.

So, that needs to be over.  Let me recap my September goals (oh, and I do want to point out that my blogging this is really just a fancy diary and that I'm not really expecting anyone to read it or find it interesting).

At the beginning of September, I challenged myself to completing 10,000 Kettlebell swings.  I finished it yesterday.  I'm not sure that I think it was worth it.  No, let me take that back: I don't think it was worth it.  I will keep up on some KBSs just because I think it'll help my booty in a way that will reduce running injuries.  And, I challenged myself to complete 30 yoga classes in 30 days.  I did it and I loved it and that will become permanent.  And, I earned myself some yoga gear and a new pair of pants (yoga goal and KB swing goal and, yes, my pants will be in my current size - love myself at all sizes).

But I do well with goals.  I like to use S.M.A.R.T. goals:

S-pecific

M-easureable

A-ttainable

R-ealistic

T-imely

I am not focusing them on weight because my goals are to change my relationship to food in general.  I want to be healthier for healthier sake, not as a rush to a weight goal.  And, I need to accept  myself at all sizes.  (That said, I will be thrilled when I was the "fat" I was two months ago).  

October Goals:

1.  Meditate for five minutes daily on the following Root Chakra Affirmation: "I nurture my body with healthy food, clean water, exercise, relaxation, and connection with nature."  If I could accomplish nothing else, it would be to fully take this in and make it me.  That would fix everything else.

2.  No more than 30 cheat foods a month.  This might seem like a lot, but it really is going to be very difficult.  That means ONE off diet food a day on average.  A Diet Pepsi counts.  A glass of Orange Juice counts, as does potato chips dipped in mayo.  I'm not specifying what I should and shouldn't eat.  The truth is: I know.  And you do too.  As such, I spent yesterday afternoon making carrot-ginger soup, black bean-sweet potato soup, and Ethiopian greens.  I will have healthy foods to eat and do not need to make any excuses.  

  

3.  I liked yoga so much, that I'm continuing that goal (frankly, I feel it is my foundation).  So, 31 classes for the 31 days of October.

4.  3,000 Kettlebell swings.  I think it will be good for me, but I do not think 10,000 is three times better than 3,000 (or, more accurately 3.3333333333333x better).  I'm going to be increasing the KB weight from 20 lbs to 25 lbs.

5.  Next, it is time to get back to getting some miles under my feet.  I developed two stress fractures in my right foot (third and fourth metatarils) and have not run at all since the beginning of July (yes, I am aware that is part of the weight gain).  I'm starting back slow.  I really am done being injured and, if it keeps happening, I'm hanging up my running shoes.  My goal is to put in 50 miles in October.  It can be run or walked.  It can be by myself, with my training partner, or with my dog.  It should be exceedingly easy to accomplish given that I'm runking a marathon in five days and that will account for a bit more than half the goal.  Oh, and I'm doing two 5ks with Jonathan in this month.  So, there, that accounts for a bit more than 32 miles already.

6.  Wake before 6:30 three mornings a week.  I was doing so  much better when I was getting up early to run on a regular basis.  I've become far too intimate with my bed.  And, while I do need sleep, I probably don't need to spend nearly half my life in bed.

That is it for now.  If I do all of that, I will be awesome.  Wait.  I'm awesome now.  I will think myself more awesomer.  And that is awesome.  And, with that, I will leave you with a picture of Spots the snake.

Joy Is. . . Restart

As you can tell, it has been a while since I was active here.  Frankly, I don't really need people reading it right now and it truly is more for me than for anyone else.  I'm going to unlink from my facebook.  Also, as you can tell, I've gained weight.  Almost 30 lbs in the past year to be precise.  While is a lot.  And, I need to do something about it.  I've tried off and on for a while, but nothing has stuck.  So, I'm going to try something different.

This past year was really rough on me.  So rough that I decided I needed to start taking an antidepressant.  Over the past month or so, I feel as if I've managed to get a better handle on my coping skills and my self-direction.  As such, I've decided to discontinue taking my medication.

September has actually been pretty good.  I really do best with goals.  In July, I ran a marathon and developed stress fractures in my third and fourth metatarsils of my right foot and I've not run one mile since that day (now, sure, that could account for about 10 lbs, but there are plenty of other reasons as well, not the least being that I've self-medicated with food).  But, back to September.  It's been pretty good, largely because I've set a couple of really good goals for myself.  First, I decided to take on the 10,000 kettlebell swing challenge and second, and most important, I decided to commit myself to doing 30 yoga classes over the 30 days in September.  That has been the most important change I have made.  And, I'm doing it.  And, I know I'll finish both.

I've loved the yoga so much, that I will keep that goal.  But, as each month starts, I'll have a new lifestyle change goal to add.  I'm pretty sure that October's will be to limit my non-water/green smoothie/herbal tea drinks to no more than 10 a month.  I recently kicked my long time diet pepsi addiction and feel really good about having done so.

Those 30 lbs did not come on in one month.  They aren't going to come off in one month.  And, I want them to come off because of sustainable lifestyle changes.  I'm not going to obsess with the scale.  I might not even weigh myself more than monthly.  It is the lifestyle changes that are the primary goal with weight loss being a natural consequence thereof.  I'm thinking I'd like to rid myself of those 30 extra pounds by my birthday in August with one major lifestyle change goal each month.

I'm good with goals.  I like them.  I eat them for breakfast.  Well, actually, I'm going to try to eat green smoothies for breakfast.  But, with my goals.