In church today, our pastor talked about one of my most favorite concepts ever: The Belief In A Just World. She did not name it as such, but it was part of the sermon.
Belief in a Just World is the belief that things happen for a reason and it give one the false belief that one can avoid tragedy by making certain choices. Our Pastor's example was: "She died of lung cancer? was she a smoker?" "No, she was a vegan who exercised daily." If she is a smoker then we can exhale and believe ourselves safe, but if she wasn't, then we have to create a meaning around her death: "Everything happens for a reason, right?" The most common example I use is, "what was the rape victim wearing?" She left her back door unlocked, she was jogging after dark, etc.
NO! Not everything happens for a reason. God did not want that little seven year old I spoke about last week to die. There is no "reason" why he had to die, no "higher purpose." As our Pastor pointed out, what reason was there that six million Jews needed to die in the Holocaust? SIX MILLION?!? Kade wasn't run over for a "reason." It wasn't God's will that he should die and that an entire community should grieve. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Things happen.
But, then what do we do with it?
As a psychologist, I have long known that a common difference between those who have tragedy that they get through and those who have tragedy in which they remain is in the experience of learning or turning the negative experience into a growth experience. It did not happen or a reason, but to get out of it is to create something from the experience as opposed to remaining a victim of the experience. Creating a growth experience out of a bad thing is not to retroactively make a meaning as to why it had to happen, but making something good out of something bad.
Our pastor summarized it as such: "Everything happens. . . and we are called to bring God's compassion and love."
Amen.
2 comments:
I like your Pastor's summation.
I remember watching an episode of "Thirtysomething" that resonated very much with me (and I was all of 18 or 19?). Someone tells how she was a child and her father died. At the funeral, a well-meaning relative says "God only gives you you're strong enough to bear" and the child looked up, tears in eyes, and says, confused, "So if I were weaker my daddy would still be alive?"
I hate those platitudes, but I do like the conclusion that just because we're able to grow from an experience and make something good of it, it does not ascribe a false meaning to the bad event itself. I really like that. So often they're tied together and it infuriates me.
In connection with this, I can't help but think of some adoptive families who say that God destined that child for that family--never mind that the child was the result of a rape. Did God want a girl to be raped so you could get your child? No. You chose to welcome that child into your home, to provide that child love and a stable upbringing, after a violent start to life. And, thank you for doing that. But, please don't suggest that a girl was required to be violated, for your benefit.
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